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Growth

Should You Feel Lonely When You Are Isolated?

My therapist asked if I plan to start dating soon.  I gave her a resounding no.  The last relationship was a huge mistake and it was due to not wanting to be alone.  Now, I am glad to be alone and have no desire to “get back out there.” She had concerns that I am isolated because I barely see my family and friends.   It was like she read my mind because I have been thinking about that a lot. I am isolated but I am not lonely.  Shouldn’t I feel lonely?

Majority of humans need to make connections.  It doesn’t matter if they are an introvert, ambivert, or extrovert.  I don’t feel alone because I do have my two teens.  We try to do something every weekend, and so I have them. However, I can see the concern because one day they will start their lives, and I won’t have them to hang around with much anymore.  I think the older you get, the harder it is to find new friends.

One of the women in my cohort is in her mid twenties, and she has a Sunday Fun group that gets together every Sunday to do something.  My nephew who is around the same age has Dinner Clubs, Brunch Groups, etc.  I have always felt like I don’t really fit with any group.  I had my kids in my early twenties so while my friends had no kids and were able to create groups and do fun things together, my time was limited.  I also didn’t fit in with the married couples who had their Wine Clubs, Dinner Parties, etc. because I didn’t have a spouse.  Now my kids are teenagers, and my friends now have little kids.  It also isn’t easy meeting your kids’ friends’ parents after you pass the elementary school age.

I decided to connect with people online.  I decided to get on Reddit, and also joined a Facebook Group for Gratitude and Inspiration. It has helped because I am connecting with people who have similar experienced.  For awhile, I have felt that I am the only one going through a few experiences, and now I realized that I’m not.  It did feel good to have those connections, and I realized that it was something that I was missing.

I am not ready to join Meetup.com and meet people in real life, but eventually I’ll get there.  For now, I am content where I am. However, I know that eventually I need to make some sort of real-life connections.  One thing I do know is that dating is not something I am going to consider for a long time.

Featured Photo by Aleks Dahlberg on Unsplash

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